The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
