Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
