You work out of a Hotel?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
