Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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