We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
