She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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