She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
