So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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