you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
