You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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