I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
