Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
