You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
