so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
