Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
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