After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
