the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
