Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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