Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
