Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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