my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
