i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
is wine microwaveable?
only you would photoshop your dick
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
