The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
