where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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