just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
