Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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