About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
