woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
