Why are handjobs necessary in class?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Randomize
