I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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