fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
