Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
