i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
