Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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