What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
