Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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