Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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