So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
