I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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