i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
