...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
