can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
