Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Four minutes until I can fart!
the day after is always just damage control
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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