I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
the raccoons are back...
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