This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
