I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
