Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
