I accidentally had phone sex last night
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
