i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
