Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
